My journey to healing my mental health

I always hear that in order to heal we must deal with our traumas and pain, but how are you supposed to do this when you can not remember a lot. My brain compartalizes very well which can be beneficial, but it also makes it hard to determine where all this self doubt and feelings are coming from. When did I start feeling like I am not good enough, feeling like I dont deserve to be happy. When did my anxiety actually start. The feelings are there but I cant say for sure what is causing them, and that is alright. Recognizing the feelings is the start and from there I can start to pin point the times I do remember with the hope that as I remember and deal the rest will start breaking free of the vault and allow me to heal.

I grew up being told that I was just a worry wort, that my feelings of anxiety like something bad was going to happen were just in my head and all I needed to do was stop worrying, as if that was easy to do. Unlike a lot of people I dont remember being abused, I wasnt in foster care, I have good memories and a few bad memories. My parents were never together, and I was lucky to have a wonderful bonus mom and later a step dad, I have siblings and cousins and grandparents. I had what I think was a normal decent childhood with lots of family around. So why do I feel the way I do? Thats what this blog is about, its about realizing that its ok to have these feelings even without a traumatic childhood, its about learning to move past those feelings and trying to heal so I can be the best version of myself.

I am slowly beginning to learn that its ok to not know right from the start where these feelings are coming from, or how to move past them. I will make mistakes, I will have good days and I will have bad days. This blog will be all over the place and may not follow a specific plan at all, its mostly going to be random thoughts every day.